New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
