im having a threesome with these popsicles
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
