one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
