It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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