State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
