Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
