Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize