I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
