she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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