Are we in a gay sports bar?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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