That's intense
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
