The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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