I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
