I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
