Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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