All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
