Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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