Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
