It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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