I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
