I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
