What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
