If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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