I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
