When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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