just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
