Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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