A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
