you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
