I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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