dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
A+ Viking dick
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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