saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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