hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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