no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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