She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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