Dual....:-)
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
