I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
