Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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