Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
