it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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