Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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