My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
