So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This is my gift to your gina
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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