Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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