By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
