Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If I had your ass I would rule the world
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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