Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
