So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
