I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
