He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
