well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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