You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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