paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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