I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
