Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The feeling are messing with the penis
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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