is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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