You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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