she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
