actually, I'm a sock model
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize