I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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