Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
