I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
