So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
