i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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