Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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