you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
