god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
