I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
