I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
