This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Randomize
