he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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