I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
