how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Randomize
