Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize