we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize