no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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