Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
