It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
