I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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