Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
