The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
