She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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