He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
