you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
