So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
