Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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