Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
