He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
