Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
