I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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