since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Boobs speak an international language.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I smell like Dick and happiness
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
