I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
