I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
