I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
