I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
