Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm just crazy horny about you
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
