Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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