Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize