Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
