The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
