Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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