i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
