Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
