I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
